Make your own free website on Tripod.com

Bedknobs And Broomsticks


The Old Home Guard
The Age Of Not Believing
With A Flair
Eglantine
Portobello Road
The Beautiful Briny
Substitutiary Locomotion
Nobody's Problems For Me
A Step In The Right Direction  
(Deleted song)


The Old Home Guard
Marching Soldiers

Call out the navy
Call out the ranks
Call out the air force
Call out the tanks
From the Cliffs of Dover
Call up the gulls
And don't forget
the loyal territorials
But who's digging in here
Who will defend
Every inch of England
no matter what they send
Who's standing firm
in our own front yard
The soldiers of the Old Home Guard
that's who
The soldiers of the Old Home Guard

For we wrote the story
of the old brigade
We know the glory
of yesterday's parades

Who's standing firm
in our own front yard
The soldiers of the Old Home Guard
that's who
The soldiers of the Old Home Guard



The Age Of Not Believing
Miss Price

When you rush around in hopeless circles
Searching everywhere for something true
You're at the age of not believing
When all the make believe is through

When you set aside your childhood heroes
And you're dreams are lost upon a shelf
You're at the age of not believing
And worst of all, you doubt yourself.

You're a castaway where no one hears you
On a barren isle in a lonely sea.
Where did all the happy endings go?
Where can all the good times be?

You must face the age of not believing
Doubting everything you ever knew
Until at last you start believing
There's something wonderful
in you!



With A Flair
Professor Browne

I'm a fraud, a hoke
a charlatan, a joke
But they love me everywhere
And it really doesn't matter
What I say, what I say
As long as I say it
with a flair

First I rattle off a ready stock
of gibberish and poppycock
And fix you with my best
hypnotic stare

With my moans and groans
and soporific tones
They have cheered me everyone
For it really doesn't matter
What I say, what I say
I sell it when I tell it 
with a "seemus alabeem"

The magicians' nursery rhyme
Abra cadabra!
You succumb to it everytime
Wave a stick and each trick
Will mystify and disarm
In fact, to coin a fitting phrase
It works like a charm

So it really doesn't matter
What I brew, what I brew
As long as I brew it 
with a flair

Although I've never cast a magic spell
I make the motions very well
My showmanship is far beyond compare
I'm a rogue, a rake
a mountebank of fake
But I do
whatever I dare

For it really doesn't matter
What I do, what I do
You buy my charms and poxes
'cause they come in fancy boxes
To improve your ugly daughter
I've a vial of colored water
And my magic incantations
can be framed as decorations

Though there's really nothing to it
and, of course, you all see through it
You love me
'cause I do it
With a flair



Eglantine
Professor Brown & Miss Price

Let us strike a bargain
You possess a gift
But I can speak the jargin
That will give your gift the needed lift

You possess the know-how
And I command the show how
Oh, how successful you could be
With me

Eglantine, Eglantine
Oh, how you'll shine
Your lot and my lot, have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
Hark to the stars
Destiny calls us
The future is ours

As the shine sells the boot
And the blossoms the fruit
All you need to succeed in your plan
Is the proper ally
Upon whom to rely
And I’m your man

For I have an acumen
That's nigh superhuman
I sell things that nobody can
So I humbly suggest
You accept my behest
I’m your man

Eglantine, Eglantine
Oh, how you'll shine
Your lot and my lot have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
Hark to the stars
Destiny calls us
The future is ours

With my expert pantomiming
The proper taste and timing
I’ll introduce you in the manner grand
I’ll whet their appetite for you
I’ll set the scene so right for you
We’ll have the beggars eating out of your hand

As the words sell the tune
And the moon beams the moon
All you need to succeed in your plan
Is a champion reared
With a flourish
And a flair
And I’m your man

Miss Price

I have always had a bit of a knack for witchcraft
Common spells and simple charms came naturally
So when the war began
I conjured up a plan
To do my bit
in the national emergency

I enrolled in your Correspondence College of Witchcraft
And I slaved at every lesson as it came
But the spell I counted on
Is the lesson that is gone
It’s disappeared
And you’re the one to blame

Your suggestions are rash
And your manner is brash
And I’ve no time to waste
Mister Browne
If I am to proceed
It’s that book that I need
Don’t let me down

But if you’ll see me through
I’ll discuss it with you
Though I’ve no taste for playing the clown
If I meet with success
I might acquiesce

Professor Browne
I won’t let you down
Eglantine, Eglantine
Oh, how you'll shine
Your lot and my lot have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine
Hark to the stars
Destiny calls us
The future--



Portobello Road
Professor Browne

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Streets where the riches
of ages are stowed
Anything and everything
a chap can unload

Is sold off the barrow
in the Portobello Road
You'll find what you want
in the Portobello Road

Salesman
Rare alabaster

Professor Browne
Genuine plaster

Bass voice
A filigreed samovar owned by the czars

Salesman 1
A pen used by Shelley
A new Botticelli
The snippers that clipped
old King Edward's cigars

Saleswoman
Waterford crystal

Man
Napoleon's pistols

Jewellery Man
Society heirlooms
with genuine gums

Painting Man
Rembrandts, El Grecos
Toulouse "Lautrecos"

Professor Browne
Painted last week
on the banks of the Thames

Professor Browne & Children
Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Street where the riches
of ages are stowed

Professor Browne
Anything and everything
a chap can unload
Is sold off the barrow
in Portobello

Fancy Women
You'll meet all your chums
in the Portobello Road

Professor Browne
There's pure inspiration
in every creation

Garment Woman
No cheap imitation
Not here in me store
With garments as such
as worn by a duchess

Professor Browne
Just once at some
royal occasion of you

Women & Professor Browne
In Portobello Road, Portobello Road
The fancies and fineries
of ages are showed

Carrie
A lady will always
feel dressed a la mode
In frillies she finds

Carrie & Charlie
In the Portobello Road

Book Seller
Burkes' Peerages, The Bride Book
The Fishmongers Guidebook
A Victorian novel "The Unwanted Son"
The History of Potting
The Yearbook of Yachting
The leather bound "Life of Attila the Hun"

Chorus
Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Streets where the riches
of ages are stowed
Artifacts to glory a regal abode
Are hidden in the flotsam
in Portobello Road

Tokens and treasures
Yesterday's pleasures
Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old
Dented and tarnished
Scared and unvarnished
In old Portobello
They're bought and they're sold

Tokens and treasures
Yesterday's pleasures
Cheap imitations of heirlooms of old
Dented and tarnished
Scared and unvarnished
In old Portobello
They're bought and they're sold

Paul
You can eat like a king
in the Portobello Road

Professor Browne
Portobello Road, Portobello Road
All kinds of things are happening
in Portobello Road
You fell like a ballerina
when you're hopping like a toad
When you kick your heels up
down in Portobello Road

Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Street where the riches
of ages are stowed
Anything and everything
a chap can unload



The Beautiful Briny
Professor Browne & Miss Price

Professor Browne
Bobbing along, bobbing along
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants and creatures of the deep

We glide
Far below the rolling tide
Serene
Through the bubbly blue and green

It's lovely bobbing along, bobbing along
on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

What is the octopus, the flounder and the cod
Think we're rather odd?

It's fun to promenade

Both
Bobbing along
Singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

Miss Price
It's lovely, bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom
 of the beautiful briny sea

Both
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants and creatures of the deep

Miss Price
It's grand
When you're dancing on the sand

Professor Browne
Each glance
Bubbles over with romance

Both
It's lovely, bobbing along
Bobbing along
Though the water
where we get along swimmingly
Far from the frenzy
of the frantic world above

Miss Price
Two beneath the blue

Professor Browne
Could even fall in love

Both
Bobbing along, singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

Bobbing along, singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea

Shimmery, shiny
beautiful briny sea



Substitutiary Locomotion
Miss Price, Professor Brown & Children

Professor Brown & Children Chanting
Treguna…Mekoites…Tracorum…Satis…Dee

Substitutiary Locomotion
Mystic power that’s far
Beyond the wildest notion
It’s so weird
So feared, yet wonderful to see
Substitutiary Locomotion, come to me

Professor Brown & Children Chanting
Treguna…Mekoites…Tracorum…Satis…Dee
Treguna…Mekoites…Tracorum…Satis…Dee

I don’t want Locomotiary Substitution
Or remote Intransecory Convolution
Only one precise solution is the key
Substitutiary Locomotion they must be

Everyone chanting
Treguna…Mekoites…Tracorum…Satis…Dee

Everyone
Substitutiary Locomotion
Lovely Substitutiary Locomotion

Professor Browne
You’ve made substitutiary history
With Treguna, Mekoites, and a little help from me

Professor Browne & Children
With Treguna, Mekoites, and Tracorum Statis Dee!



Nobody’s Problems For Me
Miss Price

No one to miss, if he’s gone too long
No one to comfort, if things go wrong
That’s how I want it to be
Nobody’s problems for me

No one who needs me
to ease his pain
No troubles and strife
No one to call me
his ball and chain

Nobody's problems for me
And that's how
I choose it to be

In this life that I lead
No tempers to humor
No hungers to feed

No one to warm, when the winter’s cold
No one to pamper, no hand to hold
And that’s how it always will be

No, nobody’s problems
 for me



A Step In The Right Direction (Deleted Song)
Miss Price

After all, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction after all

When the baby spider
Wants to trap a fly
Often time, the silken thread
Will come awry
Though a tangled web is all that he can claim
It’s a step in the right direction all the same

All the same, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direct all the same
All the same, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction all the same

When the little sparrow
Wants to leave the nest
First he has to put his feathers to the test
Tumbling from a treetop can’t be called success
But it’s a step in the right direction none the less

None the less, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction none the less
None the less, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction none the less

Watch the tiny totters
Inching up a hill
It may seem to you he’s merely standing still
Though the steps he takes are infinitely small
They’re a step in the right direction after all

After all, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction after all
After all, it’s a step in the right direction
It’s a step in the right direction after all